Helping others is true principal of Americans. No other group of individual people have ever given so much to others under the motivation of simply “giving a helping hand”. As Helen Boosalis, Lincoln Nebraska’s first female Mayer, puts it “American has a long and rich tradition of generosity that began with simple acts of neighbor helping neighbor”.
I believe we can all accept the importance of helping others, and the role it plays in American culture. However, what does it really mean to help somebody? Sounds like a basic question, but it really isn’t. Over a family meal recently, I asked my wife and three children that same question, and was very surprised to hear the different responses.
Here is the challenge with this question…there are basically two different motivations that drive “helping” somebody-
- “Helping others means doing something for them which will make their life easier”- This definition of helping, or something along those lines at least, is very common. BUT, the challenge is it’s often a selfish view of things.
Recently I was repairing the clothes dryer, and called out to my wife to come give me a hand for a minute. She immediately came to help, which was awesome. When she got to the laundry room and saw I had the dryer pulled from the wall and the laundry room basically in turmoil, she grabbed the broom and started sweeping in the places that typically she can’t get to…not helping. When I shot her the look, you know “the” look, she picked up on the fact that I wasn’t looking for her to clean at that moment, and she immediately picked up the installation instructions for the part I was working on. Ughh..the exact instructions I was following in the daunting task of dryer repair. Finally, I said “honey, I just need you to help me find the bolt that I’m missing, that’s all”.
She had good intentions when walking into that laundry room, I’m confident of that. And that is appreciated, but too often “helping” others comes from a purely introspective view of things. Back to the original question of “what does it mean to help somebody”. Ask around, and you will hear a lot of answers that have the tone of “doing what I think needs to be done”. It makes you wonder, is that the right way to really help somebody?
- “Helping others means supporting them in accomplishing something”- The second motivation, supporting somebody. This motivation is absolutely driven more out of responding to somebody’s specific need, as opposed to making the assessment yourself of what help means. However, this also presents a challenge. What if you don’t agree with what the person wants help with?
Suppose your hanging out with your buddy and he says “Hey Dan, can you hand me that large metal pole over there?” “I want to go walking around this lightning storm and see what happens.” What does helping mean in this situation? Does helping him mean handing him the metal pole he asked for or does helping mean spewing some facts around the risks of getting struck by lightning while holding a metal pole in a lightning storm?
The struggle with defining “helping” somebody is that it almost always involves responding to what somebody else appears to need, but with some sort of self-ruling view of what you think the person should need. Without the first component of paying attention to the needy person’s input, you may be taking action, but not the action the person is wanting. Without the second component of your own internal checks and balances, you may be enabling a person to do things that could be harmful to their health, personal growth, relationships…etc, which certainly is not helping them.
I’ve got my own view on helping people, but it’s just that…my personal, self-concluded, self-serving, self-gratifying, way of giving to others, assisting others, meeting the needs of others…you know…helping.
Let’s get to the Living American Life part of all this nonsense. As Americans, we must do one thing as it pertains to helping others, and that is be thoughtful and intentional. The American way here is to not be superficial in helping others. However you define helping, make it truly mean something personal to you. Have it be a core principal you follow and part of what makes you who you are. Because, who you are, makes up who America is. Live American Life my friends!