Last weekend when my 12 year old daughter asked if she could ride her bike outside of the subdivision with a friend. My wife had the flu and was in bed, which meant something scary…I, almighty Dad, was in charge. When first confronted by the bike ride permission seeker, I was fully aware journeying outside of the subdivision with no adult was something we’ve never let her do before. My initial reaction was to say no, purely out of laziness, however it only took a split second to realize I was in charge and could use my own judgement on this all-important decision. Heck ya, go ride your bike. Ride fast. Ride hard. Ride like the wind my dear daughter. Go have an adventure outside the subdivision!
Growing up, I heard stories about my father joining the Marine’s on his 18th birthday. Today, I see 18 year old’s that struggle to have enough sell-confidence to make eye contact while holding a conversation. What the hell happened?
Fear is what happened. I’m convinced letting fear run our parenting logic is something relatively new in American society. I don’t recall our Great Grandparents over-reacting to every little threat. Instead, they let their American youth learn lessons the hard way. Pain, defeat & hard lessons weren’t something to shy away from, but rather rights of passage into adult hood.
I must disclose that I’m living in a “glass house”. Aside from our 12 year old daughter, my wife and I also have two sons, 17 & 20. When our now 20 year old son was 17, he left home for a couple months, without contact, because he didn’t like our rules. Although my wife and I both had many sleepless nights worrying about our son and where he was, it absolutely occurred to me that 250 years ago boys that age left home to fight wars. Certainly my son could keep himself alive and safe in suburbia Florida. None-the-less, I fully understand from personal experience that it’s tremendously hard to let our youngsters go out into the world and make their own bones. However, of this I am convinced; if we don’t let them take risks and spread their wings, we end up with so called “snowflakes”, and that just isn’t American.
So, what do we do? Prepare them. We’ve all heard the cliché saying “success happens when opportunity meets preparation”. We must prepare, not control them. Prepare them to Live American Life.
Brave– Preparing them to be brave means not letting fear dictate their decisions. You say you want to climb up the ladder and jump off the roof? Our answer MUST be “sure go ahead if you think that’s what you want to do.” We as parents know it’s a horrible idea. But if we tell them “no you can’t, you will break your arm”, then we are training them to make decisions out of fear, and that’s not brave. Let them be brave every chance they get, and that will help them with the next Live American Life principle…smart.
Smart– How many times do you think they will jump off the roof and hurt themselves before it dawns on them that it may not be a good idea? Even better yet, how many times will they jump off before realizing that if they roll as they hit the ground, it will absorb the impact and won’t hurt at all? That’s survival skills being honed. That’s the preparation we are looking for. Being smart enough to come to their own conclusions that are based on personal experience. Today, “smart” is being defined by what they learn in schools and, my friends, that is not the Live American Life way. The schools can teach them math if they want, we as parents must teach them to be smart. Once they are brave, and are learning lessons to be smart, a beautiful thing happens. They become tough.
Tough– I’m not talking tough in the sense of being able to beat up the local bully, or worse yet, becoming the local bully. I’m talking tough in the sense of living the values that they have learned. Being able to know right from wrong when they see it, and being strong enough to not let their lives be influenced by the wrong things. To me, the tough people are the ones that carve their own path in life. They take risks because they pursue success without letting a fear of failure detour them. They live life on their own terms, as our American Forefathers did. They dare to be different, or to just be themselves. That is true toughness.
My fellow Americans, we cannot let inertia dictate how we raise our kids. It is our responsibility to do what is right. For them, and for America. We must teach them core American values of being Brave, Smart & Tough. It is our sacred duty to help them Live American Life, and you’ll be doing them a favor if you do so.